Relationships Archives - Dr. Brenda Rambo Author

Choosing to be Deceived

July 21, 2021 Filed Under: Relationships

Many years ago, when I was young and stupid, I fell madly in love with a guy that I knew from the beginning was not good for me. I saw all of the red flags, but I went headlong into the relationship which ended in disaster for me. I grieved, I cried, I almost lost my faith, and on and on. Finally one day, I shut up having a fit with God long enough to ask Him how I got myself in this pitiful, miserable situation.

He spoke immediately and clearly, “YOU CHOSE TO BE DECEIVED.”

My friends, this is where we find ourselves today in America. We have chosen to be deceived. It was a long, hard road back to sanity, stability and God. I had wandered down such a road of compromise, I could barely find myself, much less the Lord.

Deception is an interesting sin controlled by demonic power. It comes in under the guise of something good, meaningful, noble, charismatic, wonderful, “too good to be true,” when in fact, “it” is a lie. Red flags are given to us by God if we have the sense to see them. The problem is we sometimes see the error of our way, but we are too prideful to admit we have been sucked into a disgusting wicked vortex on our way to destruction.

It is so easy to be deceived by well-meaning people who have a sneaky way of sucking you in and dragging you down to a place you don’t want to go.

Sometimes, you can live with a liar and deceiver for a long time before you wake up and see you have been “sleeping with the enemy.” I heard a woman pastor say several years ago, “Sometimes your greatest enemy is in your bed.” I was shocked at that statement, but over the years I have discovered it to be true.

We can be deceived by anything—relationships, social causes, politics, religious spirits, organizations, career promises that never come true, and the list is endless.

Seems like at the end of many of my posts I ask a question, SO.

Where are you choosing to be deceived? What will be the cost of this deception?

What lie are you believing? Get honest with yourself and God and ask yourself some hard questions before you suffer some hard consequences.

If you have enjoyed this writing, please go to my blog site and subscribe at drbrendaramboauthor.com. Comments and conversation are welcome.

You can purchase Whispers of the Spirit, a devotional, at this website www.drbrendaramboauthor.com.

Energy

July 28, 2020 Filed Under: Relationships

My daughter and I had a long conversation a few nights ago about a multitude of topics. One thing we discussed was energy—what drains energy and what gives energy.

Energy is your life force. What drains your life and what gives you life?

Let’s start with people. Some people can absolutely drain the life force out of our spirit and soul. Lying, manipulating, gaslighting, dysfunction, laziness, and stupidity can literally make you crazy, draining you emotionally, spiritually, and physically until they make you sick. When you can let go of these people, move on! No more giving them thought, chasing, catering, obsessing, and talking about them. Just be done and shake the dust off your feet.

If your energy drainer is a family member, you need to learn and practice tight boundaries. (I have certainly mentioned this before.)

I guess being a psychologist gives me an edge on processing everything! We observe behaviors, attitudes, conversations, interactions, nuances, and make assessments of what we “see.” I have two “past” relationships I have been processing of late; thus, prompting the need to write about energy. If a relationship has ended, you can look honestly at the history of the relationship and gain some amazing insight into what the relationship was really all about. After processing one relationship, I decided there had never been much to it.

New relationships can be fleeting–here today–gone tomorrow. They serve an initial purpose, and then for whatever reason, they “pass away!” I used to be devastated about these relationships, but now I understand “God gives and takes away; therefore, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Move On!!

Other energy drainers can be a job you hate, a life you have created that bores you to tears, a locale that has worn you out, and maybe a life that has little purpose or direction. Sometimes, we can change jobs and sometimes, we can’t.

Sometimes, we have to “suck it up buttercup,” and do jobs we don’t want to do, and then find meaning in life in other places.

I have always been glued to where I live because my psychologist license was from Tennessee. I have been working private practice most of my life, so moving was not an option. Being a full-on grandmother for the past nineteen years has also kept me tethered to my locale. Now all that has changed! When grandsons grow up, the last thing they care about is their grandmother.

Grieving over this reality is an energy drainer, and I need to let it go and move on. In some ways, the empty nest of grandchildren is worse than the empty nest of our children. The more we let go of energy drainers, the more energy we have for new life, creativity, purpose, and destiny.

YOU do too!

Energy givers can be new endeavors, mutual friendships, a new location, new interests, and new found purpose. Focus on the good things that are working in your life and rethink and restructure all the things that aren’t working.

If you have enjoyed this writing, please go to my blog site and subscribe at drbrendaramboauthor.com. Comments and conversation are welcome.

You can also purchase Whispers of the Spirit, a devotional book, at this website or you can find the book on Amazon. A Kindle version is also available on Amazon. Did you know that even if you do not have a Kindle, you can download a Kindle app for your PC, smartphone or tablet? Go to Amazon and search Kindle app and download the appropriate one for you.

My Baby Sister—A Picture of Integrity

June 19, 2020 Filed Under: Relationships

Today, Beth and I were “doing lunch” at my favorite Cool Springs restaurant, when all of a sudden I felt inclined to take her picture.

As we continued to finish our lunch, I felt a strong tug of the Spirit saying to me, “She’s a picture of integrity.” As I shared with her what the Lord had spoken to me, I started to cry.

If you have been reading my writings for a while, you have heard me talk about my baby sister. The reason I call Beth my “baby sister” is because I am twelve years older. She was the long awaited second child. When I was twelve, all Beth was to me was a lot of extra work. I can still remember hanging her diapers on the clothes line—day after day—and babysitting. I couldn’t understand why having a sibling was such a good idea, nor was I particularly excited about her arrival. I had been the only child for a long time, and I was not thrilled about having a baby in the house.

By the time she was five, I headed off to college, then Memphis to live, and within a few years married. I did not return home until I was twenty-five, and by then she was in her early teens.

We loved each other, but really didn’t know each other, nor particularly care! It was not until years later that we finally connected as sisters.

We both had gone through years of sorrow and loss, and in the middle of grief, we discovered a wonderful relationship. Due to our age difference, we had to fight for the treasure of what we have today. We grew up in two “different” families—my parents cut me no slack about anything, and her parents loved and adored everything she did. By the time I could understand these aggravating family dynamics, it did not matter anymore.

Through the years, Beth has become one of the most beautiful people I know. She is lovely in person, but more lovely in spirit and soul. She is a lady of absolute integrity. You can trust what she says to be honest and true.

She is not easily swayed to believe a lie and get caught up in foolish things. Beth is a woman of Scripture, and walks steady, holding His hand on the arduous narrow path that leads to life eternal. She is my friend and is always there to love and encourage me, and speak hard truth when I need to hear it.

She has always been a hard worker, diligent, dependable, compassionate, a doer of good works, faithful, an awesome cook, and a loving family member.

Being the older sister, I could have missed this amazing gift from God if I had not been willing to fight for our relationship, and press in until we had one.

I encourage you to fight for special relationships within your own family. Sometimes we have treasures that need to be unearthed, cultivated, and watered with love. Some of our greatest blessings can be those closest to us, and yet we may not even know!

If you have enjoyed this writing, please go to my blog site and subscribe at drbrendaramboauthor.com. Comments and conversation are welcome.

Don’t Wear Yourself Out with Go-Nowhere Relationships

June 7, 2020 Filed Under: Relationships

I guess one thing that I have learned in the past several years is that go-nowhere relationships wear me out.

I think I am finally able to identify these relationships much more quickly and give them up much earlier than ever before. That’s great progress! I imagine many of us hang on to dead-end relationships way too long.

If relationships are not mutual, give it up and move on!

It’s hard to find mutual relationships, but when you find one— treasure it!

If you are not in mutual relationships for whatever reason, it may be time to reconsider your investment of time. These relationships drain your energy and wear you out. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and nice; you just don’t give any energy to it, and have no false expectations about the relationship. I see so many people striving to have a great relationship with someone who does not want the same.

Give it up for your own good!

Wonderful people come from lots of different places eager to know you and establish friendships. Experience relationships with incredible people from amazing places.

Keep your eyes open and watch these relationships appear.

Expect great relationships and ask God for them. If we don’t ask Him for what we need, we don’t receive anything. Praying about everything and waiting expectantly for answers increases our faith—even in relationships.

Having things in common with your friends is foundational, because if you have nothing in common with the person, there are no mutual interests. It’s hard to have a relationship when there is nothing to talk about.

I have a new friend who is absolutely delightful. I met her in our neighborhood, but did not really meet her until we bumped into each other in the oil paint section of Michaels. We launched a relationship after that interesting art encounter and our common interests grow every time we have a conversation. She has become a treasure.

Look for treasures.

God has strewn along our path wonderful treasures. Our job is to open our eyes and discover them.

If you have enjoyed this writing, please go to my blog site and subscribe at drbrendaramboauthor.com. Comments and conversation are welcome. You can also purchase Whispers of the Spirit, a devotional book, at this website.

Reciprocity in Relationships

May 12, 2020 Filed Under: Relationships

I think one of the things about relationships that grieves me most is how one-sided they often are.

In fifty years, I have learned that in order to have friends I have to initiate, cultivate, stay in touch with, check on, text, and call in order for the relationship to stay intact. I have come to the point that I am asking myself, are these friends really worth all of the one-sided effort.

Seldom are we fortunate enough to find truly mutual friendships.

Seldom are we fortunate enough to find truly mutual friendships. Many of us are so preoccupied with ourselves that seldom do we make any effort to stay connected.

There can be so many wonderful people in our lives, but they take no responsibility in the relationship. As long as the relationship stays one-sided and one person does all the work, the relationship limps along.

It seems like when I write, I always ask a question. So the question is:

Are these one-sided relationships really worth your efforts?

What a shame some people are so preoccupied with themselves that they never step forward to offer a mutual hand of friendship. Extended family and old friends from our past disappear into obscurity and fade into the night.

Several years ago, I had a friend move back into town, and I thought this would be a great time to reconnect in a meaningful way. But, the truth of the relationship was and always has been that I was to be there in their time of challenge, confusion, and need to offer wisdom and counsel and that was all the relationship was about. On many occasions I made contact, but nothing came of it.

Some people will be your “fair-weather friends when they hear what they want to hear!

I attempted to revive a precious friendship, but efforts were met with no reciprocation. So, I gave it up.

For me now, if relationships aren’t mutual, they aren’t worth the effort.

You can wear yourself out with one-sided relationships. Take an honest look at your friendships and see how many are mutual. Maybe they aren’t worth it anymore.

So, what is my point? As most things in life during our time of isolation, it’s time to take an honest look at relationships.

What’s real? What’s wishful thinking? Which relationships are worth it–which ones are not?

Relationships that Work

February 28, 2016 Filed Under: Relationships

Life is about relationships—relationship with God—relationships with family—relationships with friends—and a relationship with a man or woman you love. The quality of your life can be measured by the quality of your relationships. Good relationships take a lot of time, effort, and commitment.

If you want good relationships, you must set them as a priority in your life. You must get beyond yourself and care about another person enough to invest energy into getting to know him or her. If you are a parent or a grandparent, it is your responsibility to make the effort to get to know your children or grandchildren. Who are they? What makes them different or special? What are their unique gifts and talents? And what can you do to love, validate, encourage, and bless them? If you are a spouse, what can you do to be more available, accommodating and loving?

Family relationships especially take effort. You can’t choose your parents, brothers and sisters, or relatives, and some families or family members are so dysfunctional and incapable of relationship that you are limited to what you can do to make the connection different or better. You may never enter into true relationship in these situations. However, most families are made up of imperfect but decent people who are worth taking the time to get to know. None of us are perfect! None of us are who we would like to be, but all of us have some redeeming qualities.

Kindness, respect, courtesy, and selflessness foster good relationships. Reciprocity (to give and take mutually) encourages relationships to grow and flourish. Basic gratitude and acts of appreciation encourage relationships to grow, while a lack of respect, regard, and appreciation causes relationships to wither up and go away. Most people will not continue to make an effort in a relationship if over time they get nothing in return for their efforts. You can only reach out so much with calls, e-mails, texts, acts of kindness; if you receive nothing from the other person, you get to the point you stop trying. The relationship is no longer worth the frustration, disappointment, and effort.

So pursue good healthy relationships. Love others. Make a genuine effort to cultivate relationships and get to know your family, coworkers, and acquaintances. If your efforts fail to produce positive results, move on to those who have the capacity to love and appreciate you. Keep relationships simple.

Choosing to be Deceived

Energy

My Baby Sister—A Picture of Integrity

Don’t Wear Yourself Out with Go-Nowhere Relationships

Reciprocity in Relationships

Relationships that Work

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