I think one of the things about relationships that grieves me most is how one-sided they often are.
In fifty years, I have learned that in order to have friends I have to initiate, cultivate, stay in touch with, check on, text, and call in order for the relationship to stay intact. I have come to the point that I am asking myself, are these friends really worth all of the one-sided effort.
Seldom are we fortunate enough to find truly mutual friendships.
Seldom are we fortunate enough to find truly mutual friendships. Many of us are so preoccupied with ourselves that seldom do we make any effort to stay connected.
There can be so many wonderful people in our lives, but they take no responsibility in the relationship. As long as the relationship stays one-sided and one person does all the work, the relationship limps along.
It seems like when I write, I always ask a question. So the question is:
Are these one-sided relationships really worth your efforts?
What a shame some people are so preoccupied with themselves that they never step forward to offer a mutual hand of friendship. Extended family and old friends from our past disappear into obscurity and fade into the night.
Several years ago, I had a friend move back into town, and I thought this would be a great time to reconnect in a meaningful way. But, the truth of the relationship was and always has been that I was to be there in their time of challenge, confusion, and need to offer wisdom and counsel and that was all the relationship was about. On many occasions I made contact, but nothing came of it.
Some people will be your “fair-weather friends when they hear what they want to hear!
I attempted to revive a precious friendship, but efforts were met with no reciprocation. So, I gave it up.
For me now, if relationships aren’t mutual, they aren’t worth the effort.
You can wear yourself out with one-sided relationships. Take an honest look at your friendships and see how many are mutual. Maybe they aren’t worth it anymore.
So, what is my point? As most things in life during our time of isolation, it’s time to take an honest look at relationships.
What’s real? What’s wishful thinking? Which relationships are worth it–which ones are not?
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Carol Fullwood says
Hi Dr. Rambo, I agree 100% with your thoughts on relationship reciprocity. I have found during my 60 plus years on earth, and especially as we age, that those people we felt we were very close to throughout our youth, are not the same in their older years. Perhaps because they have their own busy lives with adult kids and grandkids etc., but it seems I am always the one trying to reach out to set up a lunch date or invite them over and practically never the reverse. Though it makes me lonely and a bit sad, especially in light of the fact that now I am retired and have more time on my hands, I have become resigned to it and understand that just because I like company and getting together for socialization and conversation, maybe these other people no longer desire it. Such is life. Hope you are well.